try_corsets: (Intent look)
Captain Elizabeth Turner ([personal profile] try_corsets) wrote2009-12-24 11:00 pm

(no subject)

A pirate steals into the kitchen, stops in the shadows and looks around.

The Milliways kitchens are never fully asleep, but when it's so late it's actually early one can sneak in relatively undetected and snoop around. The refrigerators are large and fully-stocked, the aromas as appealing as during the busiest dinner hour. All a pirate has to do is ignore the rats and the rest is a veritable feast for the taking.

This particular pirate isn't after rum and something edible to chase it with, however.

Captain Elizabeth Turner, Pirate King and soon to be mother, simply wants some milk to ease the persistent burning sensation near her heart. It is one of many indignities she's been forced to endure lately, and she's not about to sit around and suffer on the Empress when relief can be had here.
mnt_mike: (Waitaminute)

[personal profile] mnt_mike 2009-12-28 06:42 pm (UTC)(link)
A retired ninja stalks boldly into the kitchen, turning on every additional light the joint has as he does so. He too is pregnant and suffering multiple indignities of his own. For example, right now he's suffering the indignity of having run out of Nutella.

His is truly a harsh existence.
mnt_mike: (Taken Aback)

[personal profile] mnt_mike 2009-12-29 05:09 am (UTC)(link)
Mike doesn't jump. As a rule ninjas don't startle, even in retirement. The baby, however, does. And Mike is totally powerless against going along for the ride.

Or at least, that's his story. And he's sticking to it.

"Uh...yes? Yes it is."
mnt_mike: (Orly)

[personal profile] mnt_mike 2009-12-29 05:29 am (UTC)(link)
Someone other than Mike might be put off by the stare, but Mike is not only used to such things, he revels in them. Shaking off his initial shock of finding someone in the kitchen that isn't quadrupedal and fuzzy, he continues on his path towards the stores of Nutella.

"I'm hungry," he says simply. "Plus, seeing as I live here and am one of the Barmen, it's kind of my perogative."

Oooh that jar looks like a nice one, doesn't it?

"That's my excuse, what's yours?"
mnt_mike: (Bwah?)

[personal profile] mnt_mike 2009-12-29 05:40 am (UTC)(link)
"Figures," is his dry remark. A few fluid motions, and the appearance of a throwing knife that disappears as quickly as it had arrived, and the jar is open. Hazelnut scented goodness fills the air, and Mike can't help but sigh happily.

He's just about to stick two fingers into the jar when he remembers his manners, and offers some to the woman first. "You want?" He may have been raised in a sewer, but he's not an animal.


...

You know what we mean.
mnt_mike: (Smirky)

[personal profile] mnt_mike 2009-12-29 05:59 am (UTC)(link)
His eyes follow hers, and soon he too is staring at his stomach.

"If we wait long enough, it'll do tricks."
mnt_mike: (Riiiiiight)

[personal profile] mnt_mike 2009-12-29 06:17 am (UTC)(link)
"There's a perfectly logical explanation for that," he says with his grin softening.

He then waits the appropriate amount of time allotted for a really good punch line. "I am pregnant."
mnt_mike: (Incredulous)

[personal profile] mnt_mike 2009-12-29 06:27 am (UTC)(link)
We aren't we the little sexist.

"Tell that to my uterus."
mnt_mike: (Staaaaare)

[personal profile] mnt_mike 2009-12-29 07:27 pm (UTC)(link)
"Well so long as you're sure, I guess I'll...."

Now's about the time that Mike notices that the woman is starting to disrobe.

"Woah! Hold up there! I'm not that kind of guy!"
mnt_mike: (Taken Aback)

[personal profile] mnt_mike 2009-12-29 07:41 pm (UTC)(link)
Does she really think he's the kind of guy to be distracted from his point by a nice set of breasts?!

Okay FINE, so he is! But that doesn't mean he's not going to put up a....wait a second.

Blink.

She...she's either pregnant too, or she's got some sort of malnourishment that Sally Struthers warns about where your belly gets all distended.

Good gravy, it could be both.

"Captain Jack Sparrow?" he says weakly, fighting back the urge to give the woman a hug. A hug which might break her in two, by the looks of her.
mnt_mike: (Weary)

[personal profile] mnt_mike 2009-12-29 08:44 pm (UTC)(link)
Hey squeaking is good. Squeaking means she's so surprised she'll stop stripping. Mike'll take squeaking over the removal of any more of her clothing any day. Sweet chocolate Zeus, this poor girl!

"That's what they tell me. Of course, they also tell me I'm pregnant, so...what do they know."
mnt_mike: (Taken Aback)

[personal profile] mnt_mike 2009-12-29 08:54 pm (UTC)(link)
"Is this some sort of trick question?"

Mike is slowly becoming more and more aware of the fact that NO ONE is driving this crazy train.
mnt_mike: (Incredulous)

[personal profile] mnt_mike 2009-12-29 09:07 pm (UTC)(link)
"I think it's more she was having her own fun at my expense, really.
...

Wait...did you just imply that my pregnancy was all a joke at your expense? Lady, I don't even know who you are!"
mnt_mike: (Staaaaare)

[personal profile] mnt_mike 2009-12-29 09:13 pm (UTC)(link)
"At the same time?"
Because...that might explain a few things...

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